The Feedback Loop You Never Actually Opened

You have a 360 review, an annual survey, and a leadership coach, and you still might not know what your team actually thinks of you. NUnless you make intentional effort to get real feedback, none of those tools can surface what’s genuinely going on.

C.H.E.W. with Me

New here? What is CHEW? — a 30-second practice that grows into a day woven with God’s love.

C – Clarity: You Collect Feedback. You Avoid the Question.

You happily solicit input on strategy, process, and projects — anything except “how am I doing as your leader, specifically, right now?” That question stays unasked because the answer might cost something: your comfort, your confidence, your mental image of yourself. Somewhere between the promotion and the corner office, feedback quietly became something you manage rather than something you actually receive. Think of the last 360 you ran, and then think about whether you’ve ever asked a direct report that plain question, one-on-one, and actually waited through the silence for a real answer.

H – Hear: Wise Enough to Need Someone Else’s Eyes

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15)

This proverb sits in Solomon’s core collection (Proverbs 10–22), which is wisdom aimed at forming character in people who will carry real responsibility and influence. The Hebrew word behind “fool,” kesil, isn’t describing low intelligence — it’s a moral category, someone whose confidence in his own judgment has sealed him off from outside correction. The “wise man” isn’t smarter; the word behind “listens” comes from a verb meaning “to hear and obey,” describing an open loop, not a higher IQ. The fool in Proverbs 12 isn’t stupid. He is just impossible to correct, and he could easily be running your company. And the reason you can survive an honest answer from someone who reports to you isn’t your own thick skin — it’s that God’s love for you was settled long before your team ever formed an opinion, and no piece of honest feedback, however accurate, can touch it.

E – Exchange: Trading a Closed Loop for an Open One

What has to be exchanged is the safety of never asking — and therefore never having to sit in an uncomfortable answer — for the discipline of actually inviting correction from someone who reports to you. That question doesn’t threaten your position; it only threatens the version of yourself you’ve been protecting.

Because God’s love is not contingent on your team’s opinion of you, how does that change how you approach the question you’ve been avoiding?

W – Walk: Ask One Direct Report the Real Question This Week

Pick one direct report you trust. This week, ask them directly: “What’s one thing about how I lead that you wish I’d change?” Then do the hard part — stay quiet and let them actually answer, without defending or explaining, before you say anything else. Resist the urge to respond in the moment; write down what they say and thank them for their honestly. Then, sit with it overnight before you decide what, if anything, changes.

Closing question: Whose honest answer about your leadership have you never actually asked for?