Say It Plainly: The Joke That Carries What You Haven’t Said

A joke that carries a jab keeps working long after the laughter stops. Picture a leadership meeting where a slide is behind schedule, and the sharpest line in the room, delivered with a grin, earns the biggest laugh and the longest silence afterward. Most of us have been on both sides of that moment, and the pattern is worth spotting.

C.H.E.W. with Me

New here? What is CHEW? — a 30-second practice that grows into a day woven with God’s love.

C – Clarity: When the Funniest Line in the Room Is Also the Sharpest

Wit can be a valuable skill in leadership, but it can also serve as a quiet delivery system for things we have not said directly: a frustration about a missed date, a concern about a decision, a judgment about someone’s work. Because it arrives wrapped in humor, it stays deniable. The gap is between what we want a colleague to know and what we are willing to say to their face. Spotting that gap starts with one honest question: what did I actually want that person to hear?

H – Hear: Scripture Names the Disclaimer for What It Is

“Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” (Proverbs 26:18–19)

Proverbs 26 sits inside a collection of Solomon’s sayings that Hezekiah’s men copied out (Proverbs 25:1), and this chapter is a catalog of foolish behavior. Verses 18 and 19 give a vivid picture: someone flinging weapons, then insisting it was all in fun.

“Joking” here comes from sachaq, the Hebrew verb for laughing, playing, or making sport. “Deceives” is rāmâ, to mislead or trick. The proverb puts the two together: play used as cover, with a real weapon underneath. The wounded neighbor does not experience a dart as play, and the proverb treats the “only joking” as part of the injury, not as a defense.

God’s love does not hide behind a smile. It says the true thing plainly and stays. John writes that the Word became flesh, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14), grace and truth together in one person, to your face.

E – Exchange: The Deniable Jab for Plain, Kind Truth

The belief worth trading is that humor is a safe way to deliver what you are not ready to say plainly. Trade it for a truer picture: you can say the direct thing kindly, because your standing does not ride on the room’s reaction. When you believe God’s love for you is settled, you can afford to be straightforward with others.

Because God’s love is like a father who tells you the hard thing to your face and keeps his hand on your shoulder, how does that change what I say plainly to a colleague this week?

W – Walk: Write the Plain Sentence, Then Book Ten Minutes

Think of one topic you tend to joke about instead of discuss: a colleague’s deadlines, a process that keeps breaking, a decision you disagree with. In the next five minutes, write the plain version in one sentence, such as “I need the numbers by Thursday” or “I’m concerned about how we’re handling this.” Then put ten minutes on your calendar with that person this week to say it warmly, in the same hand-on-the-shoulder tone.

Closing question: What true thing are you tempted to say as a joke instead of plainly?