The Boss Job and the Leader Job Aren’t the Same Job

Being someone’s boss and being their leader are not the same role. It’s National Boss’s Day this week, which is usually just a card and a lunch, but it made me sit with a distinction I’ve never separated out loud: I don’t always know which one I’m supposed to be wearing in a given conversation.

C.H.E.W. with Me

New here? What is CHEW? — a 30-second practice that grows into a day woven with God’s love.

C – Clarity: Asking for Input They Don’t Have the Data to Give

When I go to my team for input, sometimes they don’t have the data to give it. I’m not asking them to solve the problem; any impression might sharpen my thinking. But what they hear is a question they’re supposed to answer, and when they can’t, something worse than a shrug can creep in: shame, a quiet sense that they’ve let me down.

H – Hear: Not So With You

“You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.” (Mark 10:42–44)

Jesus said this to the Twelve right after James and John asked for the seats of honor beside Him. The Greek behind “lord it over” is katakyrieuō: kyrios, “lord,” with a prefix meaning down. It describes lordship pressed down on people.

This verse doesn’t erase authority. Jesus isn’t saying there will be no decisions landing on one person’s desk; He’s saying the posture underneath the authority has to be different. The org chart can look the same. The heart running it can’t. Part of that posture is protecting people from carrying weight that was never theirs, including the weight of an answer they were never equipped to give.

Two verses later Jesus gives the reason: the Son of Man “came not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45). That is God’s love in motion: it never made anyone earn their place with the right answer.

E – Exchange: What a Boss Does and What a Leader Does Aren’t the Same Move

A boss makes the call, and a leader makes sure the people carrying it out can see why it’s worth following. Most of us default to whichever is more comfortable and call it a style, when it should be a choice that changes with the moment. A boss owns the outcome when speed matters more than buy-in; a leader brings people into the reasoning and cares how someone grows through the decision. So I’ve stopped asking for input and started asking for impressions. An impression is just a thought, and “I don’t know” is a completely acceptable answer, with zero consequences attached. I say that out loud now, because the absence of shame has to be stated, not assumed. God’s love never required me to arrive with the right answer, and that frees me to stop requiring it of others.

Because God’s love is already yours before you ever have the right answer, how does that change the way you invite your team into decisions they may not have the data to weigh in on?

W – Walk: Say the Safe Words Out Loud, Once

Spend sixty seconds recalling the last time someone scrambled to answer you. Then, when you next ask your team for input they can’t fully give, say it first: “I’m looking for any thoughts or impressions. If you don’t have any, ‘I don’t know’ is a completely fine answer.” Add one thing you value about them that has nothing to do with the question. Watch what it does to the room.

Which hat does this moment need?

• Boss mode: only you have the information, speed beats consensus, or it’s a non-negotiable.
• Leader mode: they hold relevant experience, ownership drives follow-through, or the goal is growing their judgment.
• Both: you make the call, but ask for impressions and affirm what they bring.

Closing question: Which decision this week needs a boss’s call, and which needs a leader’s invitation?