The Daily CHEW™
Chew on God’s Love. Live Transformed. Multiply Hope.
I get to my Northlake office super early, and before my first client arrives, I sit with my coffee and start replaying a session from the previous day. I search for the deeper meaning in a phrase a client repeated several times—sometimes, it stands out even when they don’t realize it. With experience, both my clients and I have learned that when a phrase keeps popping up, or when words linger in the room, there’s likely something deeper underneath. More often than not, these phrases point to a core belief that, if shifted, could unlock the healing, growth, or clarity my client is seeking. Learning to listen for these underlying convictions—both in ourselves and the people we care about—can change the game.
Active Listening: Spotting the Threads Beneath the Words
Beyond just “hearing,” this kind of listening means noticing specific patterns:
- Repeated phrases: Pay attention to words or stories that circle back, especially when said without intention (“I always have to keep it together”; “Nobody asks what I need”; “I never measure up”). Repetition is a signpost for what’s driving the heart.
- Emotional shifts: Notice when someone’s emotion spikes—or when they go unexpectedly numb, flat, or disengaged in a moment when more feeling might be expected. Big emotions (or lack of emotion) often point to core beliefs at work.
- “Always” and “never” language: Absolutes (“I always get blamed”; “People never come through for me”) reveal places someone is stuck—or carrying an old script that is shaping their reactions.
Listening Prompts and Questions: Uncovering What’s Beneath the Surface
During a session or a deep conversation, ask:
- “When did you first start thinking or feeling this way?”
- “What story do you tell yourself about this?”
- “If you could change the way you see yourself here, what would that look like?”
- “What do you believe is absolutely true about you, God, or this problem?”
- “What’s the part of this that’s hardest for you?”
These questions help surface deeper beliefs—whether you’re reflecting on your own life or someone else’s story.
Practical Tips for Reflective Listening—For Those Who Want to Help But Not “Fix”
- Pause before giving advice or answers. Listening comes before solving, even if silence feels awkward.
- Reflect back what you hear in a way that tests your understanding. For example, say: “It sounds like you feel responsible for everyone’s happiness.” Or, “I hear that you believe things won’t change unless you do more.” Am I off? That last part matters. Adding “Am I off?” lets the client correct you and ensures that the reflection is about understanding, not judgment or presumption. If you don’t check, you risk misunderstanding or frustrating the other person.
- Ask for permission to explore deeper. Simple: “Would it help to talk about what’s underneath that feeling?”
- Acknowledge emotions and reactions. Noticing when a client feels nothing at all, or much more than expected, can lead to an honest exploration.
- Stay focused and curious, not critical. Listening for beliefs is about uncovering, not diagnosing.
For Those Without Extensive Interpersonal Skills or Training
Some clients—especially those who are wired more for process, organization, or logic (hello ISTJ leaders)—may feel uncomfortable or unqualified trying to listen for core beliefs in the way a consultant would. That’s okay.
- To make it easier: Don’t think of this as therapy or consulting. Think of it as noticing what keeps showing up and simply asking if there’s something meaningful behind it.
- You aren’t responsible for “fixing” anyone. You only need to be present, ask one follow-up question, and use a phrase like: “I heard you say __ a few times; is that something that’s important or frustrating for you?”
- If a person doesn’t want to go deeper, honor that boundary. Listening well is simply being attentive, not steering or solving.
Self-Listening: How to Notice Your Own Beliefs
- Keep a mental or written note of recurring phrases or emotions, especially in tough moments.
- When life gets tense, ask yourself what you most believe to be true about yourself, others, or God right then.
- Share your thoughts with someone who will listen back—using the “Am I off?” approach in your own reflections.
A Head-to-Heart Practice
Listening for core beliefs—in ourselves and others—is about tuning in, not taking over. When we make space for honesty and real dialogue, God’s love works beneath the surface to make old beliefs new, and false stories true.
CHEW On This™
If I really believed God’s love listens with patience and understanding, how would that change the way I reflect on my own story—or offer presence to someone who’s struggling, without rushing to solutions or judgment?
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Learn how to make CHEWing a daily rhythm. Our hope is that everyone can learn to CHEW without ever needing to pay us for help.
If you have a question about the CHEW practice or hit a roadblock you can’t solve, we’re happy to help with quick guidance.
Reach out anytime at [email protected] and we’ll do our best to help you keep growing!
Browse the full archive anytime for insights and growth:
https://1stprinciplegroup.com/blog/
With you for the journey,
Ryan
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