The Daily CHEW™
Moving God’s Love from Head to Heart for Christian Professionals
Why Does This Hurt So Much?
A few hours after your loved one dies, the room feels loud and strangely quiet at the same time. People are talking, decisions are being made, texts are pouring in—and inside, you feel almost nothing. You know this is one of the worst moments of your life, but your heart feels wrapped in cotton. You can say, “My mom just died,” and still feel like you are describing someone else’s story.
Maybe that is you right now. You are wondering, “Why am I so numb? What is wrong with me? Where are the tears? Where is God?” You might even feel guilty for not crying more, or embarrassed that you cannot find any words when others expect you to “share how you are doing.” On the other side, you may fear that if you start feeling, the pain will swallow you whole.
Grief rarely comes in straight lines. It shows up like waves in the ocean—sometimes barely a ripple, sometimes crashing so hard you feel like you will drown. One moment you are numb, the next you are sobbing, then suddenly you are laughing at a memory and wondering if that means you did not love them enough. Inside, there is a deep tension: you long to heal, but you are terrified to fully feel. You want God’s comfort, but you do not want to be pulled into a grief that feels bottomless.
The Gospel Meets You Right Here
Here is the surprising news: your numbness does not intimidate God, and it does not cancel His love. Scripture is clear that God’s people have always moved through seasons where their emotions felt out of sync with what they knew to be true. The psalmist prays, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1, ESV)—words that only make sense if grief and confusion can coexist with real faith. God includes laments like this in His Word to show you He expects your heart to struggle in seasons of loss, and He stays with you there.
God’s love does not demand that you “feel the right way” before He draws near. In Jesus, the Father has already stepped into a world filled with funerals, empty chairs at the table, and hearts that feel both shattered and shut down. “Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4, ESV). That means your shock, your numbness, and the waves of pain that will come are not outside Christ’s bearing love; they are precisely the territory He claimed when He went to the cross.
The lie grief often whispers is, “You are alone in this. You are stuck. Your heart will never feel right again.” The Gospel tells a different story: “For I am sure that neither death nor life…nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39, ESV). Death can separate you from someone you love for a season, but it cannot separate you from the love of the One who holds both you and them. God’s love does not erase your pain; it secures you in the middle of it and promises that no wave, however deep, has the power to drag you beyond His reach.
So here is how God’s love changes the story of grief: you do not have to hold yourself together, force yourself to feel, or rush through your numbness. Instead, by the Spirit, you get to become like a buoy in the ocean—held up, carried, and kept—even as the waves rise and fall. You can agree with God that your tears and your silence, your numbness and your anguish, all belong in His presence. In Christ, grief is not a place where God abandons you, but a place where He walks with you, weeps with you, and slowly leads you through the deepest part of the pain toward a hope that outlives death itself.
CHEW On This™: Practice Moving God’s Love from Head to Heart
Pause at each CHEW step below. Reflect, and answer in your own words—you’ll see a sample below each question. This is where the Gospel gets personal in your grief.
Confess – Naming What You’re Really Feeling
Question: What are you feeling, fearing, or hiding from God about this loss right now?
Sample Answer:
“When I think about my mom being gone, I feel mostly numb and then guilty for feeling numb. Part of me is afraid that when the feelings finally come, they will crush me. So I keep busy, stay ‘strong’ for everyone else, and quietly avoid being alone with You because I am afraid of what might come up.”
Prompt to you:
Where do you feel numb, scared, or overwhelmed in your grief right now? Take a moment—if you put it into one honest sentence before God, what would you say?
Hear – Letting God’s Word Speak into Grief
Question: What does God’s Word say about His love and verdict over you in this grief?
Sample Answer:
“‘The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit’ (Psalm 34:18, ESV). I hear that You do not stand far off, waiting for me to grieve ‘better.’ You draw near to me in my broken and confused spirit, even when I cannot cry on cue. Your nearness is not based on how emotional or spiritual I feel; it is secured by Jesus.”
Prompt to you:
What Scripture speaks to this season of loss for you? Maybe a verse about God’s comfort, Jesus weeping at Lazarus’s tomb, or God’s nearness in suffering. How does God’s Word address your numbness and pain?
Exchange – Trusting God’s Love in the Wave
Question: If you truly trusted that God’s love is steady, patient, and present in your grief, how would that shift how you see and treat yourself right now?
Sample Answer:
“If I trusted that Your love is patient and that You are carrying my sorrow, I could stop judging myself for not grieving ‘correctly.’ Instead of forcing myself to feel a certain way, I could picture myself as a buoy in the ocean—letting the waves of grief come when they come, and trusting that You are underneath me in every rise and fall. I would speak to myself with more gentleness and less pressure.”
Prompt to you:
If you believed deep down that God is not disappointed by your grief process but present in it, what would change in how you talk to yourself today?
Walk – One Small Step in the Direction of Love
Question: What is one practical step (10 minutes or less) that embodies trust in God’s love instead of old patterns of numbing or control?
Sample Answer:
“Tonight, I will set a timer for ten minutes, sit in a quiet room, and tell You honestly what this loss feels like—or doesn’t feel like—right now. I will picture myself as that buoy in the ocean and pray, ‘Father, hold me when I feel nothing and when I feel everything.’ When the timer ends, I will text one trusted friend and simply say, ‘Today hurts more than I can say. Would you pray?’”
Prompt to you:
What is one concrete step you can take this week—a short prayer, a walk, a conversation, journaling for ten minutes—that expresses trust in God’s love instead of just stuffing the pain down?
Ways to Experience God’s Love in Grief
Here’s how you can actively trust and experience God’s love—not just work harder to “be okay.”
- Stop Judging Your Grief Timeline
Why: God never sets a performance metric for how fast you should cry, “move on,” or feel healed. “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14, ESV). His compassion moves toward you in your limits.
How: When you catch yourself saying, “I should be over this by now” or “I should be feeling more,” pause and breathe. Add the words, “God, You know my frame, and You are patient with me here.”
Scenario: You see a memory pop up on your phone and feel nothing. Instead of panicking, you quietly say, “Lord, You know my heart better than I do. I trust You with the pace of my grief,” and let that be enough for today. - Picture Yourself as a Buoy, Not a Brick
Why: Bricks sink; buoys rise and fall but stay held up by the water beneath them. When you agree that God’s love is the “ocean” underneath you, grief becomes a set of waves you move with rather than a weight you must carry alone. “Underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27, ESV).
How: When a wave of pain hits—or when you feel strangely numb—pause and imagine your heart as a small buoy. You do not control the tide; you simply stay honest about where the wave is and remember who holds you.
Scenario: At the funeral, a song triggers a sudden surge of tears. Instead of trying to shut it down or apologize, you silently pray, “Jesus, I am the buoy and You are the ocean. Hold me through this wave,” and let the tears come. - Sit in Silence with Safe Friends
Why: Before Job’s friends started talking, they did one thing beautifully: they sat with him in silence and shared his grief (Job 2:11–13). Shared presence can make the deepest part of pain bearable and remind you that God often expresses His love through His people.
How: Ask one or two trusted believers to simply sit with you—no fixing, no speeches. You can tell them ahead of time, “What I need most is presence, not answers.”
Scenario: You invite a cousin or close friend over for an hour. You look at old photos, cry a little, or just stare at the wall together. They pray a short prayer at the end, thanking God that He is near to both of you in this grief. - Let Scripture Lament for You When You Cannot
Why: There are moments when words fail. God gives you psalms of lament so that when you cannot find your own vocabulary, you can “borrow” His. “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!” (Psalm 130:1, ESV). This keeps you connected to Him even when your heart feels numb.
How: Choose one psalm of lament (like Psalm 13, 42, or 130) and read it slowly, phrase by phrase. Where a line resonates, pause and simply say, “This is me, Lord.”
Scenario: Late at night, you cannot cry and cannot sleep. You open to Psalm 42 and read, “Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (Psalm 42:5, ESV). You whisper, “That’s me,” and let God’s Word hold what you cannot fully express. - Name One Specific Loss Each Day with God
Why: Grief is not only about the moment of death; it is about every future moment that now feels different. Naming particular losses with God—birthdays, phone calls, shared jokes—helps your heart move from vague ache to honest connection with His comfort. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4, ESV).
How: Once a day, write or say one simple sentence: “Today I am grieving that I will not get to ______ with them.” Bring that sentence directly to God in prayer.
Scenario: You walk past your loved one’s favorite restaurant and feel a sharp sting. On your drive home, you pray, “Father, today I am grieving that I will not have another lunch here with her. Meet me in this specific loss.” - Receive the Church’s Care as an Expression of Christ’s Love
Why: Meals dropped off, texts sent, offers to help with logistics—these are not just “nice gestures.” They are tangible expressions of Christ’s body caring for you. “If one member suffers, all suffer together” (1 Corinthians 12:26, ESV). Receiving care becomes a way of agreeing that God has not left you alone.
How: Instead of saying, “I’m fine, I don’t need anything,” practice saying yes to at least one offer of help each week—rides, meals, childcare, a listening ear.
Scenario: A church member offers to drive you to a meeting about the estate. Instead of refusing, you say yes. During the car ride, you share how strange everything feels, and they quietly pray for you before you go inside. - Anchor Your Hope in the Resurrection, Not in Feeling Better
Why: If your only hope is “someday I won’t hurt anymore,” grief will feel like failure every time the pain returns. The Gospel anchors hope in something firmer: Christ’s resurrection and the promise that death does not get the final word. “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25, ESV).
How: When you think about your loved one, regularly tie that thought to Jesus’ promise of resurrection. Say, “My tears or numbness are not the end of this story; You are.”
Scenario: At the graveside, you feel both hollow and overwhelmed. You quietly pray, “Jesus, You stood at a tomb and wept, and then You called Lazarus out. I trust that the day is coming when You will make all things new, even when I feel broken right now.” - Mark “Deep Pain Days” with Simple Rituals of Love
Why: Anniversaries, birthdays, and “firsts” without your loved one can intensify the ache. Creating small, Christ-centered rituals on those days—lighting a candle, reading a psalm, sharing stories—turns them into spaces where God’s love meets your sorrow in a concrete way.
How: Choose one or two small practices you will repeat on hard dates: a particular Scripture, a short prayer, a shared meal where you speak their name.
Scenario: On the one-month mark of your loss, you gather with two friends, light a candle, read Romans 8:31–39, and each share one memory. You close by thanking God for both the gift of that person and His unbreakable love.
If these practices do not seem to bring relief yet, consider seeking gospel-centered counseling or a CHEW group. Often, God’s love becomes more tangible through wise counsel and compassionate community that walk with you through the long journey of grief.
Worship Response: Turn Gratitude into Worship
Take 30 seconds—right where you are—to respond to God, even if your feelings are scattered or numb. Worship here is not pretending to be okay; it is acknowledging that His love in Christ is still real in the middle of your hurt.
Prayer:
“Father, thank You that Your love does not depend on how clearly I can feel or express my grief. Thank You that Jesus has carried my sorrows and that nothing—not even death—can separate me from Your love. When the waves of pain come, hold me like a buoy in the ocean of Your mercy. When I feel numb, remind me that You are still near. Help me trust that You will meet me in the deepest part of this pain and, in time, bring real comfort and hope through Christ. Amen.”
Next Steps to Grow in God’s Love
Lasting change is always relational—God moves, you respond. Share your story, join a CHEW group, or reach out for support; grief is not meant to be carried alone.
Here are a few next steps that can deepen your experience of God’s love in seasons of loss:
- Explore a Core CHEW or Deep Dive CHEW focused specifically on grief and loss, using the CHEW rhythm to process emotions, questions, and memories before God and with others.
- Reflect on the 30 Characteristics of God’s Love to identify specific truths (like God’s patience, tenderness, or faithfulness) that speak into your grief, and build CHEW questions around them.
- Consider connecting with a CHEW triad or small group, where you can name your losses, hear the Gospel applied to your story, and walk together in practical steps of trust, lament, and hope.
With you on the journey,
Ryan
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