THE DAILY CHEW™

Chew on God’s Love. Live Transformed. Multiply Hope.

Washington Heights, Wounds, and What Drives Us

In Washington Heights, I learned quickly that everyone’s got a “why”—a core longing that shapes what feels like winning or losing. Some chased respect on the block, some clung tight to family, others just wanted to belong. For years, I thought changing my habits would fix my life, but the truth was: what really needed to change was my heart’s focus and my hidden cravings.

Maybe You’re Wondering…

“Why do I overreact when my ideas get ignored? Why does being left out sting for days? Why am I so restless in ‘normal’ weeks, even when things are OK?”
You’re not alone. One reason change can feel hard is that our deepest drivers—Security, Acceptance, Love, Value, Enjoyment, or Significance—are under the surface, steering everything. But if you can name them, you can finally start healing, growing, and walking with God at a real heart level.

Step-by-Step: Uncovering Your Core Drivers

Step 1: Start With What Doesn’t Drive You

• Read the SALVES list (Security, Acceptance, Love, Value, Enjoyment, Significance).
• Cross out any you simply don’t care about—not even in storms, losses, or your proudest moments.
  Most people only have 1–2 true core drivers, and perhaps 1–2 “secondary” drivers.

Step 2: Gather Real Stories, Not Just Opinions

• Write down 3–5 moments from your work/home life:
  • When you felt truly proud
  • When something stung, embarrassed, or triggered you
  • When you felt deep satisfaction—or went home discouraged
• Keep it specific: “I wasn’t invited to the meeting”; “My solution fixed the problem”; “They barely noticed my birthday.”

Step 3: Circle the Trigger, Name the Ache

For each moment, ask:

• Was I anxious about losing control? (Security)
• Stung by exclusion? (Acceptance)
• Hurt by lack of warmth? (Love)
• Frustrated by criticism? (Value)
• Restless with boredom? (Enjoyment)
• Upset that my effort seemed to make no difference? (Significance)

Jot a SALVES label by each event.

Step 4: Look for Patterns

• Which one or two drivers keep popping up?
• Is there a “primary” one that’s always there—not just in pain, but even in your best moments?

Step 5: Try the “Hard Week” Test

• Think back to a really tough week.
• What loss, threat, or fear hurt most: safety, group belonging, relationship closeness, respect, pleasure/fun, or having an impact?

The one that hurts most is often your top driver.

Step 6: Run the Elimination Question

• If you had all the [fill in the blank], would you still really need the others?
  • If you had total Security, would you still crave Acceptance or Significance?
  • If you had overflowing Love, would you still ache for group belonging?
• Your truest core driver is the one you never outgrow, even if all your surface needs are met.

Step 7: (“Bonus”): Ask Trusted People

• Share your “top two” hunches with a spouse, friend, or group.
• Ask: “Does this fit what you see when I’m at my best—or worst?”

Sample: Real Life Stories

• “It hurts most when I’m left out.” → Acceptance
• “I lose sleep when the future seems shaky.” → Security
• “Getting public thanks puts my feet on the ground for a week.” → Value
• “If my effort goes unnoticed, I feel invisible.” → Significance

Remember This

You’re not wrong for needing what you need. How you chase it—or where you turn for filling—is where God wants to do deep work. Jesus doesn’t scold your longings; He meets you in them.

CHEW On This™

“If I really believed God meets my core hunger for [insert your main driver], how might that change my response the next time it flares up?”

Want the next step? Try the CHEW process next time your core driver “acts up.” Or invite a friend/group to practice naming triggers together—then watch how honest return to God’s love quiets the ache at its source.

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Chew on God’s Love. Live Transformed. Multiply Hope.