The Daily CHEW™
Moving God’s Love from Head to Heart for Christian Professionals
I have had a lot of trauma in my life. Some I caused. Most I did not. There was a season when the pain stacked so high that I would silently scream in my head: How much do You think I can handle? One night, when the pain was especially acute, I said something to my wife that I knew was false even as I said it: “God is an abuser.” My theology knew better. My heart was screaming otherwise.
That gap — between what I knew in my head and what I felt in my body — is the exact territory where forgiveness does its deepest work. Not just forgiving others. Not just forgiving myself. But entering a raw prayer process with God Himself — bringing the accusation, the fury, and the pain straight to Him instead of stuffing it behind good theology.
Here is what I have learned over two decades: when I forgave myself for the trauma I caused, and when I forgave others for the trauma they caused, my identity as a dearly loved child of God solidified. I have not lived with shame for twenty years. I never hear myself say a negative thing about myself. That is not willpower. That is the power of God.
And here is what I am only now seeing clearly — something that happened decades ago but that I can finally articulate: when we fully forgive ourselves and others, especially by seeing how much God has forgiven us, we start to realize that He really does love us as much as He loves Jesus. And that love is not conditioned on our performance. Which means our identity cannot be conditioned on our performance either. We are dearly loved, blood-bought, adopted children of the God of the universe — and nothing will ever separate us from His love.
So when pain increases and anger at God rises — and it will — the path forward is not suppression. It is honesty. Raw prayer. Bringing the accusation to Him and watching Him meet you there. Because what I have come to see is this: sometimes God allows pain to avoid a greater harm. And when I see it — when I repent of the false accusations I made toward Him — I feel closer to Him than ever. Like a child with a Father who loves him enough to risk the relationship for his best.
Clarity
Lord, I see clearly that my anger at You was real — and that You were not threatened by it. You met me in the accusation and drew me closer than I was before I screamed.
Hear
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38–39, ESV
God does not flinch when you are furious at Him. Scripture reveals that nothing — not your trauma, not your accusations, not even your worst season of doubt — can separate you from His love in Christ. His love is not fragile. It absorbs the full weight of your honesty and refuses to let go.
Exchange
If I really believed God’s love is unshakable enough to absorb my worst accusation and still draw me closer, how would that change the way I bring my pain to Him instead of hiding it behind good theology?
Walk (30–90 seconds)
If there is anger at God you have been suppressing — pain you have dressed up in polite prayers — take sixty seconds right now and tell Him the raw truth. Use raw prayer. He is not threatened. He is not leaving. And what you find on the other side of that honesty will be closer to Him than you have ever been. If this is the only thing I do from this CHEW today, it is enough.
With you on the journey,
Ryan
If you had to put this into one sentence for today, what would you say God is inviting you to rest in or return to?
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